


Must Love Dogs

by goddamn-shitshow (Lautremonde)



Series: San Fran Can SMD (Everybody Moved to San Francisco) [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Cynophobia, Firefighter Kagami Taiga, M/M, Photographer Kise Ryouta, Police Officer Aomine Daiki, Teacher Kuroko Tetsuya, romcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-09-27 09:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10002542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lautremonde/pseuds/goddamn-shitshow
Summary: Kagami is a fire fighter, Nigou is a dog model, and Kuroko is basically Kagami’s ideal man － aside from the whole dog thing, anyways.Approximately10k1517k words of Kuroko taking his dog to inappropriate places in order to fuck with a cute cynophobe.





	1. Long Shots on the Beach

It was a shitty day to be at the beach. Cold, overcast － Kagami would not have chosen to be there on his own.

But when they'd asked him one morning while he hung around the station if he was interested in being in one of those cheese-cakey firemen-holding-fluffy-animals calendars, he had chosen to say yes. 

So in a roundabout way, he had, actually, _chosen_ to be on this cold fucking beach, with a brilliant sunset behind him. 

With a dog in his arms. 

Well － in his helmet, which he was holding. With his arms － his bare, unarmored, exposed arms. And chest. On the cold beach. 

The thing about the beach being cold was, there wasn't really any way to excuse the fear-sweat that was trickling down his face. 

"We're losing our best hours," the photographer (a tall blond named Kise) said waspishly as the sun sank lower into the brilliant red horizon, "could you try to look less like you're having Vietnam flashbacks?"

Kagami tried to smile, the dog made an adorable snuffling noise, and Kise grimaced. 

“Not… not like that.” Kise lowered his camera and ran a hand through his hair. “You weren’t this terrible last year － last year’s photo was great.” 

Last year Kagami posed with the fattest, sweetest cat he’d ever met. He’d sat at the base of a tree in a nice quiet urban neighborhood with long stoops and pretended like he had rescued the great beautiful beast from a tree. It had been cuddly and non-threatening. 

Dogs were always threatening. 

“Can I just set this down?” Kagami asked weakly, tilting the helmet away from him. 

The dog, jostled by the movement, scrabbled a little, it’s itty claws clacking. 

“Well, we should maybe get Nigou a leash,” Kise mused, contemplating the red sky. He looked at a point a foot below and to the left of Kagami’s shoulder, and said, “What do you think Kurokocchi?” 

Kagami jumped out of his skin － further jostling the dog － as a pale, blue haired man in a sweater vest appeared beside him, looking at the dog. 

“Nigou is very obedient, he will be fine,” the man said. 

“Holy _shit_ ,” Kagami said, hastily setting the helmet (and dog) on the ground as he stumbled in the sand, “where the hell did you come from?” It was empty beach for miles on either side, and two hundred feet from surf to scrubby grass. It wasn’t like the guy had anywhere to hide. Unless he’d burst silently from the sand like some kind of weird sweater-vested ninja. 

“I have been assisting Kise-kun,” the man answered, “for some time.” He held up a semi-reflective, silver-foil covered piece of cardboard, and demonstratively reflected some muted light onto Kagami’s abs, face blank. He twisted the board, briefly shining the light directly in Kagami’s eyes. 

Kagami wanted to say _bullshit_ , but then he’d have to accuse a stranger of sneaking up behind him on an empty beach. It would be embarrassing if he was wrong, and Kise did not seem to be objecting to this explanation. 

“Kagami, this is Kurokocchi,” Kise said, “he is a good friend of mine, he owns Nigou.” 

“Kuroko Tetsuya,” Kuroko said, “I will concede _friend_.”

“Kurokocchi! So cruel. And after all I've done,” Kise said. 

“It is kind of Kise to support Nigou’s modeling career, even if it is merely in mourning of his own.” 

“So _cold_ ,” Kise said, wincing. 

Kagami just stared. He still felt tight and anxious, unable to forget the small fluffy dog at his feet, but the two were making a hell of an effort at distraction. 

“What do I need to do so I can leave,” Kagami asked flatly, cutting through the bickering. 

“You’re not leaving until I get a decent shot,” Kise declared, gesturing dramatically and clenching his fist in front of his chest, “I’ll get the lights out of the car and we’ll make this a night shoot if we have to. I hope you’re ready to go _all night_ at this rate.” 

“I have a class to teach in the morning,” Kuroko said, “and Nigou requires his beauty sleep. Perhaps we could focus on assisting Kagami-kun in making an appropriate face for softcore pornography.” 

Kagami choked. 

Kise sputtered, “ _Kurokocchi!_ This is just － a pinup calendar! Extremely classy.” 

“Of course. My mistake, Kise-kun.” Kuroko surveyed Kagami calmly. “Kagami-kun, you have an issue with Nigou?” 

“What makes you think that?” Kagami asked, tone a little more aggressive than he had really been aiming for. 

“Kise-kun was correct, you did not have an issue making a pleasant face for last year’s _Firemen Holding Cats_ calendar. Unless the photographer had a particular skill for bringing out Kagami-kun’s inner Calvin Klein model, I must assume you have an issue with my dog.” 

Kagami felt his cheeks heat, and averted his eyes as he shivered, feeling the dog brush against his leg, apparently escaped from his helmet. “I just… really can’t handle dogs.” 

“Maybe you should have thought of that before signing up for this, hm?” Kise said. 

“They told me it was the same as last year! Excuse me for assuming that meant the same thing as last year!” Kagami said. 

“Just get that dog in your arms and look charming,” Kise snapped, raising his camera back to his eyes expectantly.

Kagami sighed and stooped to retrieve his helmet － and froze. He had to get the dog back in the helmet. It was one thing to hold the dog in the helmet, but actually putting his hands on it － didn’t that kind of thing piss dogs off? 

Kuroko inclined his head briefly, blinking slowly. “Kagami-kun,” he said, approaching him. He crouched down and fixed the reflective cardboard into the sand in front of Kagami, “Kise-kun, is that angle acceptable?” 

“Yes, yes,” Kise said. 

Kuroko picked up Kagami’s helmet and pressed it firmly into Kagami’s hands. He gently grasped Nigou and stood up. Kagami followed him to his feet. 

Kuroko firmly repositioned Kagami with one hand － encouraging him to angle the jut of his hip towards Kise, to pull his shoulders back and hold the helmet out in front of him － and then plopped the dog back into the helmet. 

“Now, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko said, retreating to a spot just behind Kise’s shoulder, “forget about Nigou and focus on me.” 

“O-okay?” 

“Kise-kun, be prepared,” Kuroko said. And then he stuck a finger in his own mouth. 

_Is this a sex thing? Is this supposed to be sexy?_ Kagami wondered, staring in fascination at Kuroko’s mouth. 

Kuroko pulled his finger out of his mouth slowly, wet with saliva － and stuck it in Kise’s ear. 

Kise _shrieked_ , flailing away indignantly. 

Kagami, caught entirely by surprise, laughed abruptly

“Make the shot! _Kise-kun!_ ” Kuroko shouted urgently. 

Kise, struggling and fumbling to bring the camera up as quickly as possible, swore as he took a burst of shots, smoothly crouching to slightly vary the angle. 

Kagami huffed, feeling his own smile in the ache of his cheeks. 

Kise straightened, took a couple more shots as Kagami’s smile relaxed into something more natural, and sniffed delicately as he removed the camera from his face. He flicked through the photos he had taken on the screen of his camera briefly. 

“I’ve got what I need. Anything else can be fixed with photoshop. Kurokocchi, you’re a monster. _I’m_ going home.” He grabbed the reflective piece of cardboard from the sand with a flourish and strode up off the beach. 

Kagami watched him go － as Kise hit the scrubby grass by the path to the parking lot, Kagami could see him scrubbing at his ear angrily. 

“Hm, Kise-kun is quite ungrateful,” Kuroko said, his voice close. Kagami jumped and looked away from Kise to Kuroko, who had lifted the dog out of the helmet and was now holding it lovingly. 

“Uh, yeah,” Kagami said, dropping the helmet to his side and taking a couple long steps back, “thanks for helping out. Dogs are －” he dropped his gaze to the dog cradled tenderly in Kuroko’s arms, and his eyes caught on Kuroko’s fingers, rubbing softly in the dog’s ruff. “ _Yeah!_ So _thanks_ ,” he finished. 

Kuroko made a small noise of assent, inclining his head briefly, “I am of course happy to have assisted Kagami-kun today. Perhaps Kagami-kun would be willing to assist me in turn?” 

“Uh,” Kagami said. 

“Nigou and I arrived with Kise-kun,” Kuroko said, “So, I am afraid we find ourselves in need of a ride.” 

Kagami looked slowly between two identical sets of blue eyes, and tried to imagine a dog in his car. Fur on his upholstery. Tiny claws pressing their way into his thigh as it refused to remain in its proper place. 

  
He was going to drive off the fucking road. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming next Monday 3/6/17: **Chapter 2** : _Twice is Coincidence, Three Times You Have a Stalker_
> 
> Hang out with me on [tumblr](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com), if you want. 
> 
> Also I actually made the [pinups](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com/post/155611181416/au-where-kagami-is-a-firefighter-and-poses-for-one). Those exist.
> 
> Please note that I'm gonna spend a lot of time mocking Kagami's cynophobia. That's a dick move irl.


	2. Twice is Coincidence, Three Times You Have a Stalker

As the sky over the seaside turned from brilliant purples and magentas to a dark navy, Kagami drove Kuroko and Nigou back into town and, miraculously, didn’t drive off the road. He _did,_ however, spend the whole time with his fingers creaking on the steering wheel, anxiously glancing at the dog. He was too nervous to reach into the dog’s space to even turn on the radio.

Kuroko was unconcerned. He kept Nigou in his lap and made pleasant conversation － when Kagami allowed it.

He didn’t allow much. Kagami had gotten the impression that Kuroko somehow knew _everything about him_. Kuroko’s gaze was just so even and sure, catching his own intensely whenever he nervously checked on the location of the dog. Between that and the anxiety of _Nigou’s_ (Kuroko had gotten quietly insistent about calling it _the dog_ － or _it,_ for that matter) presence, he had clammed up like he was at a bake.

The country roads cutting through the cliffs turned into broad four-lane highways. Kagami stayed silent, gave one word answers where he couldn’t avoid it.

In return for his rebuffed conversation, Kuroko volunteered precisely nothing about himself. Retrospectively, between dropping Kuroko off in the vestiges of college town (worryingly close to his own neighborhood) and his comments to Kise on the beach, Kagami could assume that Kuroko was some kind of teacher at one of the local colleges, but he had no idea of _what_.

Which was fine, since Kagami was really looking forward to putting the whole experience behind him. Probably never see the guy again.

 

* * *

 

Kagami had what was absolutely not a standing date to play one-on-one with Aomine Daiki, police officer and _worst person he’d ever met_ , Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Kagami tended to go to the local court then to shoot around a bit, and Aomine just happened to go then too, and － it was just objectively better to play _with_ someone than to dunk on nobody. He had a rotating cast of casual acquaintances, wandered out from the surrounding rowhouses, that he would play if he came on other days of the weeks. He did that too － but he didn’t miss Tuesdays and Thursdays, when he could help it. Kagami worked 24 hours on, 48 hours off, so sometimes he didn't have a choice, but he made it out at _least_ one of the two days every week.

It was worth it. Kagami was man enough to admit Aomine was pretty good － good enough that he won most of the time, which was... well. Not the case, typically, when Kagami played. His firehouse had a team of casual players, which got much less casual as soon as it came time to play their semi-annual game against their _‘friends’_ on the police force. This was how Kagami and Aomine had met, having apparently moved to the city and begun work around the same time.

They chased each other around the cracked asphalt, rattling the backboards as they hung from the hoops, until they were both soaked in sweat, panting and moving much slower.

“Come on, loser,” Aomine panted as the ball rolled off the court, following another basket on his part, “I expect more of a fight than _that_.”

“And I show up every week expecting one of your coworkers to have shot you,” Kagami said, trailing after the ball.

“I have a gun too － and I’m a better shot. They wouldn’t dare,” Aomine said with his usual absolute surety of his own superiority.

Kagami felt impossibly more exhausted － but looking up at Aomine, Kagami guessed that Aomine was probably the more fatigued between the two of them. Aomine, for all his physical aptitude, was a lazy piece of shit who didn’t exactly spend his free time on conditioning.

“You look like shit,” Aomine said, “let’s switch to HORSE, so you don’t keel over,” he offered generously.

Kagami recognized that as _I’m tired, let’s switch to a game I’m good at that involves less running._ Some sort of unexplored masochism had him saying, “Yeah, sure.”

HORSE was definitely Aomine’s game. With his ludicrous gift for trick shots and the formless ease with which he could sink baskets from any position, anywhere inside the three point line － the ways in which you could lose against Aomine were limited only by his imagination. It was really not that fun to play against him, not like one on one.

He turned into a pouty piece of shit if you admitted _that_ though.

H, O, R, and S later, Kagami squared up for a shot he knew Aomine would return without any issue. He’d gotten Aomine a couple letters via some super long dunks that he knew Aomine couldn’t make, but, well, his captain would be mad if he showed up with busted legs tomorrow.

He sank into appropriate form at the side of the court, almost 90 degrees perpendicular to the basket. He was thinking he’d try and do a kind of rolling bank shot against the backboard. His legs tensed as he prepared to release － and he immediately flubbed the whole shot when he felt a cold nose press into his calf.

“Fuck!” he shouted, jumping and flailing away. He looked down and saw fucking _Nigou_. He heard a rattling, wheezing gasp from his own throat as he fell on his ass and continued scrambling back.

Aomine _laughed_ at him, that _absolute cock_ , “Tetsu! What are you doing here?” he asked in apparent delight.

“Aomine-kun is running late,” Kuroko said in his usual even tone.

“Oh. Fuck, was that today?” Aomine asked, nudging the loose ball back to Kagami with his foot as he ambled over to his bag at the side of the court.

“Yes,” Kuroko said.

“Ahhh, well,” Aomine flapped a hand over his shoulder in a half hearted apology.

Kuroko remained impassive － possibly accepting this as his due for maintaining a friendship with such a shitty person.

“Ahh, so,” Aomine said, straightening and holding up his phone, lit up with missed notifications, “Tetsu － I actually need to go to the station. Still friends?”

Kuroko’s already lukewarm gaze dialed down a few more notches to ‘frosty,’ while somehow not changing at all. On second thought, maybe it was just windchill.

“If bailing on dinner was an unacceptable toll on our friendship, surely we would never have spoken after you bailed on _life_.”

Nope, that was Kuroko.

“Ow,” Aomine said, scratching the back of his head. His gaze slid awkwardly over to check on Kagami, and darkened a little when he saw Kagami’s expression of amusement. He gathered up his bag along with his pride and said, “Sorry, Bakagami, I’ll have to finish handing you your ass another time.”

Nigou barked, and Kagami flinched. This apparently cheered Aomine up, as he visibly brightened and waved jauntily as he wandered off the court.

Kuroko watched him go. As the gate jangled shut behind him, he turned to Kagami and gave him a sort of quarter bow. “I am sorry to have interrupted your game Kagami-kun. It was good to see you again.”

“Yeah, sure,” Kagami said, backing away a little from Nigou. Still on the ground. He’d dropped his pride somewhere, no sense in getting up until he found it, really. “Hey, how about calling off your dog?”

“Nigou is just trying to say hello, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko said.

“Right! Sure!” Kagami said, trying to plot a route out of the court that could get him his bag, avoid the dog, and didn’t involve scaling the chainlink.

Kuroko made a small noise of assent, and said, “Nigou.”

The dog trotted happily up to him, and Kuroko scooped him up.

Kagami made his way to his feet. Feeling braver now, he said, “You should really control your animal.”

“Pardon me?” Kuroko said.

“You’re not supposed to have dogs off leash in public,” Kagami said, “It’s, you know, a law or something.”

“Kagami-kun,” Kuroko said seriously, “that is impossible.”

Kagami opened his mouth to explain that, no, really, most assholes kept their dogs on leashes without a problem, it was actually more common than not －

－ But Kuroko interjected, “Could you say no to this face?”

His blue eyes gazed soulfully at Kagami in tandem with Nigou’s, and for a fatal moment, Kagami thought, _‘nah, I guess not,’_ but he wasn’t thinking about _Nigou_.

Then he thought, _‘whoops, time to go.’_

He turned away, and headed over to the bench to grab his own bag, and said, “Hey, nice to see you, but, you know, let’s not do it again.” He glanced back towards Kuroko, a little nervously － Kagami might have met Kuroko all of twice, but the read he had on Kuroko was that he was a vindictive asshole who would happily set his dog back down to come at him _just because_ － only to find that Kuroko had apparently already vanished.

That fuck.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Having lived on his own since high school, Kagami was well versed in the art of self-soothing. So, his nerves having been badly rattled, he determined that the thing to do would be to treat himself to a dozen hamburgers rather than going home and cooking.

He sat himself down in McDonalds － which, having lived on his own since _high school_ , had the comfort of a second home － with a tray piled high with hamburgers.

He was on his third before the gurgling noise of a straw in a near-empty drink alerted him to _Kuroko_ sitting at his _goddamn table_.

“What the fuck! Are you _following_ me?” Kagami asked, loudly.

“Kagami-kun, I was sitting here first,” Kuroko said mildly, rearranging the straw in his milkshake, “perhaps you are following _me_.”

“Bull. Shit.”

“I have also been friends with Aomine-kun and Kise-kun since middle school,” Kuroko said, “maybe I should be concerned about the manner in which Kagami-kun has infiltrated my social circle.”

Kagami sputtered around his fourth hamburger. He coughed, and took a deep breath. There was some sort of path back to normality here, he just had to find it.

“Since _middle school?_ ” Kagami considered adding ‘ _no wonder you’re such a tool, if you’ve been dealing with them all this time,’_ but he was, you know, mostly an adult now and didn’t need to say everything on his mind all the time.

Especially since Kuroko appeared to pick up on the unsaid just fine.

“It is important to have projects to keep busy with. Some of them go on longer than others.”

“So Aomine’s _always_ been a tool, huh?” Kagami asked.

“I feel it would be unfair to assess a _toddler_ as a ‘tool,’ so perhaps not _always_.”

Okay, the way in which Kuroko said the _meanest shit_ in that polite tone was probably the best thing ever. When it wasn’t directed at Kagami, anyways.

“Well that’s a hell of a project, good fucking luck there,” Kagami said.

“Believe it or not, there has been significant progress,” Kuroko said.

“Okay, you’re telling me that Aomine used to be an even bigger dick?” Kagami said, “I’m not sure I buy that. That’s not possible.”

“And Kagami-kun is an expert in the limits of dick size?”

Kagami choked on his seventh burger when he laughed. He coughed, harsh and wet, and then kept coughing. He flapped a hand at Kuroko in the universal sign for _‘I just need a sec, please don’t hit me, it won’t make me stop coughing.’_

Kuroko surveyed him passively. When Kagami’s coughing went on, his eyes watering and his hands scrabbling for a napkin, Kuroko turned his attention back to his shake, peeling off the lid to attempt to corral a chunk together with his straw.

“Thanks for worrying,” Kagami said, voice rough with sarcasm and the aftereffects of _fucking choking_. Amazing how that shit made you less hungry, he thought, eyeing his remaining five burgers with trepidation. He bravely soldiered on, though, finishing off his seventh and unwrapping his eighth while his cheeks were still full.

“Mm, coughing is an indication that there is still a clear passage through the airway,” Kuroko said, “I did not think my aid would be helpful.”

“Well,” Kagami said, “no.”

“If you were disappointed I did not attempt the Heimlich maneuver,” Kuroko said, “I could practice on you now, to be ready to spring into action in the future.” His gaze lowered very slightly from the awkward amount of eye contact he seemed to favor, and rested on Kagami’s filled cheeks.

His expression didn’t change, but Kagami felt judged. Okay, so he ate fast. He ran fast too, and both of those things were fine as long as some asshole didn’t stick a leg out to trip him.

“Thanks but I don’t need any broken ribs,” Kagami said, perhaps a moment too late, “if you even have the arm strength for the Heimlich.”

Kuroko had pretty noodly looking arms, from what Kagami could tell through a white button down. And he was small. So small. Could he even wrap his arms around Kagami, from behind, with his hands in the right place?

 _Okay_ , Kagami acknowledged, he was exaggerating the guy’s size. But he had also just spent entirely too much brain power on imagining the guy with his arms around him. _Gay_.

Not that that was the issue. Let’s move right on past that.

“I am actually certified for first aid through my workplace,” Kuroko said, “so I am officially qualified to perform the heimlich. Or CPR, should you drop dead. You may rest easy, Kagami-kun, knowing I am guarding your life.”

“Great, I feel really safe, I’ll just feel free then,” Kagami said, huffing a little and smiling around his burger. Guy wasn’t bad when the dog wasn’t around.

Kuroko nodded seriously. “I would still urge Kagami-kun not to be reckless, however.”

“What, not sure you could do it?” Kagami asked.

“Kagami-kun, I attended a three hour training course once, so I believe I am fully prepared to save your life,” Kuroko said, still perfectly deadpan.

“Yeah when exactly was this?”

“Four years ago.”

Kagami laughed. For a change of pace, he didn’t even have burger in his mouth.

There was a very, very slight curve to Kuroko’s lips that hadn’t been there before, Kagami noticed.

Kagami unwrapped another burger at a more sedate pace. “So middle school with Kise and Aomine huh? How did that happen?”

“We were all on the same basketball team.”

“ _You_ played basketball?”

“Yes,” Kuroko said shortly. _Hah_.

Kagami aimed for a polite noise, but as it came out he was immediately aware he had failed. It was an impolite noise.

“If Kagami-kun is skeptical, perhaps we should play sometime,” Kuroko said.

“Ha, yeah, alright,” Kagami said, “fine, let’s do it.”

Kuroko held his phone out to Kagami expectantly, phone book already open.

“So － just swap numbers, yeah? Figure out a time,” Kagami said, taking Kuroko’s phone and sliding his own across the table.

Kuroko made a small noise, and didn’t pick up Kagami’s phone.

“What? Put your number in,” Kagami said, a little defensively, as he tapped at Kuroko’s phone.

“Given my suspicions Kagami-kun has been following me －”

“For _fucks sake_ ,” Kagami said, and called himself from Kuroko’s phone.

“Your assertiveness is concerning,” Kuroko said, but that tiny, tiny smile was back on his face. “I am glad we had this opportunity to chat, Kagami-kun.”

“Sure,” Kagami said gruffly, abruptly feeling a little bashful.

“I should be going now. I’m sure we will see each other soon,” Kuroko stood, inclined his head to Kagami, and then said, “Nigou, time to go.”

Under the table, something fluffy brushed against his shin. Kagami was suddenly deaf to everything but his own roaring blood.

Kuroko waved as he and Nigou headed out the glass doors.

He might have said something as he left, but he was drowned out by the air raid sirens going off in Kagami’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming next Monday 3/13/17: **Chapter 3** : _The Twelve Taco Debacle_
> 
> Hang out with me on [tumblr](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com), if you want.


	3. The Twelve Taco Debacle

Kagami loved basketball, and was always looking for new people to play with, new challenges. Since he had elected not to pursue it as a career, it could be a problem to find players on his level. Thus, keeping Aomine around, who, under other circumstances － circumstances like, say, if Aomine was trapped in a burning car and Kagami responded to the scene... Kagami _would_ definitely still do his job. But he might take his time about it.

Did he seriously think Kuroko was going to be a challenge?

He told himself determinedly it was worth finding out. Also, he definitely had no ulterior motives.

It was _not_ worth more time with Nigou around though.

So, Kagami looked up the weather forecast, picked a weekend it was going to rain, and felt very sneaky and pleased about it.

Then he texted Kuroko, _hey would sat work?_

 _Yes, I’ll look forward to it_ , Kuroko replied.

As Friday rolled around, Kagami texted Kuroko, _oh no dude its gonna rain tomorrow. theres an indoor court at a gym near me, that ok? i can get you in._

 _That is fine. We will be able to play later that way_ , Kuroko replied. Kagami grinned － Kuroko was a man after his own heart.

Except for the whole dog thing. Which. Well.

 _sry that means nigou cant come tho lol :(_ , Kagami sent.

 _Nigou has a play date on Saturday_ , Kuroko replied, _so it is fine. Thank you for thinking of him though._

 _sure_ , Kagami sent.

 

* * *

The yellow glow of the gym’s lights made it hard to see out the windows of the entryway into the rain. Kagami was squinting out into the misty grey gloom, keeping an eye out for Kuroko, so of course he somehow managed to miss him coming in.

“Hello, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko said, his reflection appearing beside Kagami’s in the window.

“Jesus _shit_ ,” Kagami said, and hit his elbow on the window as he jumped. “ _Fuck_.”

“Are you well, Kagami-kun?”

“My entire arm is numb,” Kagami hissed, “why the hell do you _do_ that?”

“Do what?”

“You know what!”

Kuroko stared placidly at him as he rubbed at his elbow.

After a long moment stretched without any response, Kagami said, “why do you _sneak up on me?”_

“Ah,” Kuroko said, as if this question would never have occurred to him, “I have a very low presence so I am afraid unobservant people are easily startled by me.”

“Don’t turn this around on me,” Kagami said, “what the hell does that even mean!?”

But Kuroko was moving past him into the gym, off the faux-marble of the entry and onto the light blue carpeting, padding lightly past the check-in counter without comment from the woman manning the desk.

Apparently Kuroko didn’t need to bother with a gym membership. Fine, whatever.

“The courts are this way,” Kagami said, maybe a little nastily, as Kuroko confidently strode down the wrong hallway.

“Of course,” Kuroko said, changing direction without a hint of embarrassment.

They claimed a half-court for their own, tucked away into a windowed gym with the curtain walls out, separating the space into multiple rooms. Kagami took no time to begin totally trashing Kuroko.

After six baskets without any real resistance, Kagami paused.

“What the hell,” he said, “You’re terrible at this.”

“That is a very general statement,” Kuroko said.

“You seriously played on the same team as Aomine?”

“Yes. And yes, I was a starter. We won three consecutive championships.”

“Did you shrink?” Kagami asked.

“No,” Kuroko said, “I was on a team. My talents are best used for team-play.”

“Then why the hell did you agree to play me one on one?”

“I wished to spend more time with Kagami-kun,” Kuroko said.

Kagami dribbled the ball onto his foot and it launched into the corner. By the time he had retrieved it, his face no longer felt like it was on fire.

“Well, maybe we can find some more people to play with,” Kagami said, trying to be subtle about avoiding eye contact as he looked over Kuroko’s head to the windows into the hallway.

At just that moment, Kagami saw his fire captain and some of his coworkers walk past. 

He made a fast break for the door, clinging to the frame to stop himself. “Hyuga!”

“Oh, Kagami,” Hyuga said, turning to face him, “I thought you said you had plans tonight?”

Next to him, Kiyoshi grinned at Kagami, “Did you not want to hang out with your coworkers? Be honest, it’s okay.”

“I did have plans! Basketball plans!” Kagami said.

“We have basketball plans too,” Kiyoshi said, “Maybe we should combine them.”

“Yes!” Kagami said, “That’s what uh － yes. This is Kuroko.”

“Holy crap,” Hyuga jumped as Kuroko waved from the middle of their conversation, and Kagami felt a thrill of satisfaction at being in on it this time.

“Hello,” Kuroko said, hand still raised in greeting.

“Where did you come from?” Hyuga asked.

“I’ve been here the whole time,” Kuroko said.

“Right,” Hyuga said doubtfully, “Well the whole crew is here, we were going to play and then go for drinks.”

“Kuroko and I were just looking for more people to play with,” Kagami said.

“Well bring him along!” Kiyoshi said.

 

* * *

“Okay,” Kagami said breathlessly, over drinks, “I see it now.”

The bar was packed, but Kuroko had somehow secured them seats at the counter － slipped through the crush of bodies and onto a stool just as another group was leaving.

“Oh?” Kuroko said, “You’re not meant to _see_ it.”

“That was crazy!” Kagami laughed.

“You two kicked some ass,” Kiyoshi said, slapping Kuroko on the back as he passed by their seats at the bar.

Kuroko jolted, his beer splashing a little, but smiled. Something about the warm lighting and wood paneling － the atmosphere on the whole － had Kuroko glowing. It was deeply unfair.

Kagami tried to remind himself that he was terrible at casual relationships, and nothing more than casual could happen with Kuroko. Dude loved his dog, and the dog was a deal breaker.

So, better to let that ship sail on by. Not even let it dock at port. Close up the borders, everybody, there’s an embargo on feelings, ain’t nothing getting in.

 _Dogs don’t live as long as humans_ , Kagami thought, _optimistically, five years, we could date._

 _Wow_ , Kagami thought, _I am an asshole. Wishing for the death of his dog would be a great start, sure._

But, hey, no reason they couldn’t be friends, right?

“So, Kuroko,” Kagami said casually, stretching his arms up over his head in order to emphasize exactly how casual he was being, “What you doing next weekend?”

“As of now I have no plans,” Kuroko said, “what about you?”

Kagami rapidly tried to think of _friend_ -type activities that could include Kuroko and absolutely could not include a dog.

“I was going to see a movie,” Kagami said, “want to come?”

“What movie?”

What was even in theaters? Uh. “Oh, that uh… _Terminal Retribution_?”

Kuroko blinked at him slowly. “ _Terminal Retribution: Inferno of Action_?”

 _Sure_ , Kagami thought sarcastically to himself, _he looks like he loves action movies. Great job._

“Yeah,” Kagami said, “But, you know, I’m okay with whatever－”

“I would love to watch _Terminal Retribution: Inferno of Action_ with you, Kagami-kun.”

“Really,” Kagami said, not entirely sure _he_ even wanted to see _Terminal Retribution: Inferno of Action_. Kagami wasn’t really big on movies, generally, having discovered in high school that he could buy ten hamburgers for the cost of a ticket.

“Uh, cool,” he said.

“Hey Kagami,” Hyuga said, leaning in suddenly and swinging an arm threateningly around Kagami’s neck.

“Uh, Hyuga,” Kagami acknowledged.

“When are you supposed to be in tomorrow?”

“Uh,” Kagami said, “early?”

“And what time is it now?”

“Late?” Kagami scowled, “Are you telling me to go home? You’re not my mom. And _you_ invited us out.”

“I’m _your boss_ , but I may as well be your mom, you _twat_ ,” Hyuga said, eyes glinting dangerously, “And I invited you _before_ Furihata told me you promised him you’d take his Sunday morning shift.”

Kagami opened his mouth to argue － and then abruptly remembered, “Fuck. I did that.”

“Yes you did,” Hyuga said.

Kagami turned to face Kuroko, who looked passively bemused at this exchange, and said, “So I need to go, _I guess_.”

“Thank you for the invite, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko said, “I had a good time.”

“Do you, I dunno, want me to walk you home or anything?” Kagami asked, and then immediately regretted it. There was no way to take that that wasn’t either hella gay or super insulting to Kuroko’s masculinity.

“No, thank you,” Kuroko said, apparently unoffended, “I think I will stay for a while longer. Your coworkers seem like good people.”

“Yeah, try getting to know them better _,”_ Kagami grumbled.

 

* * *

_you dont care if i sneak food in to the theater right_ , Kagami texted Kuroko.

 _Sneaking outside items into the theater is a time honored tradition,_ Kuroko replied, _I will be bringing some things as well. I would like to get popcorn though._

 _good,_ Kagami texted _._ He hesitated, then added _, u sure your okay w terminal retribution?_

_Yes, I am looking forward to it. See you then._

Kagami scowled. He’d been really hoping Kuroko would have another suggestion.

 

* * *

Forty minutes to showtime, Kagami had a ludicrous craving for Taco Bell. He briefly considered _not_ stuffing the pockets of his jacket full of hard shell tacos, but then he figured that if Kuroko was going to be his friend, he’d have to face the facts about Kagami eventually.

Facts being: Kagami would gladly stuff his jacket full of tacos to smuggle them into a theater. He hustled down the sidewalk from Taco Bell and into the massive strip-mall complex that held the theater. It was all smooth blank concrete walls, and, in deference to the preternatural year-round Californian good weather, the box office was outside. He glanced through the queue and didn’t see Kuroko. Not that that necessarily meant anything.

While in line for tickets he generously decided that Kuroko might appreciate the cinnamon twists, and devoted a pocket to them. This required some reorganization, and he wound up hunched a little in his jacket, a hand in the non-cinnamon twist pocket supporting the bag of tacos inside his jacket as he paid for his ticket.

He headed inside to the lobby to wait for Kuroko. It was a huge, loud space. The ceilings were high and amplified all noise, bouncing it off the dark tile and cardboard standees advertising the next cartoon, the next action movie. It was the perfect space for Kuroko to sneak up behind him. Kagami braced himself for it, and kept a wary eye out.

He didn’t manage to catch his approach, but Kagami was proud of himself for not jumping when Kuroko said softly, “Hello, Kagami-kun.”

Mostly because if he _had_ jumped he’d have crushed all his tacos. Which would have been a tragedy.

Kuroko had, of course, appeared out of nowhere at Kagami’s side － his posture hunched in a similar way to Kagami’s around whatever it was he was smuggling in in his jacket.

“Kuroko!” Kagami greeted, “You want popcorn?”

“Yes,” Kuroko said, and when Kagami blinked Kuroko had already made it twenty feet towards the concession stands.

Kagami hustled after him, posture only a little weird from the tacos. He smiled at Kuroko as they waited in line, thought about paying for the popcorn, nearly dropped the tacos while fishing halfheartedly for his wallet, and ultimately gave up when Kuroko retrieved a bucket of popcorn before Kagami even realized the line had moved.

Kagami was beginning to feel like he maybe _was_ just unobservant.

But then Kuroko walked directly past the woman checking tickets (and the ‘No Outside Food or Beverage’ sign) and into the theater area, and Kagami figured it wasn’t _just_ him. When Kagami made to follow, she held a hand out for his ticket.

As she ripped it in half, she inhaled deeply and muttered, “christ, man, I just got the weirdest craving for Taco Bell,” and Kagami smiled nervously. “I know what I’m doing after I get off, man.”

“Sure,” Kagami said, and accepted half his ticket back, walking quickly away. He looked around to see where Kuroko went, and he was already gone.

Kagami made a frustrated noise. The vanishing act was getting really old.

Why did he _want_ to do this again? He checked his ticket for the theater number, compared it to the signage, and Kuroko said from his side, “This way Kagami-kun.”

Kagami flinched, and heard the _crunch_ of a hardshell taco or two, “God _dammit_.”

Kuroko looked at the bulk of his midsection in concern, “What are you bringing in?”

“Taco Bell,” Kagami muttered lowly, glancing back at the ticket-woman, who was still sniffing at the air and frowning. Kagami placed his free hand in between Kuroko’s shoulder blades and steered him towards the right theater.

Kuroko gave him a placid look (and maybe Kagami was projecting his insecurities, but he could swear there was a tinge judgement there too), and Kagami scowled back. Kagami reflected on the depth of blue of Kuroko’s eyes for only a half second, then jerked away.

They settled at the back of the theater. The lights were still up and there was movie trivia fading in and out on the screen.

They sat in silence, staring at the screen. Kuroko pawed absently at the popcorn but did not reveal whatever he’d snuck into the theater － Kagami didn’t exactly want to bust out his tacos until the lights were down and the sound was up either, but he was curious about Kuroko’s preferred movie snacks.

“So,” Kagami said, “Terminal Retribution.”

“That is the movie we are here to see, yes.”

“Right,” Kagami said, and wondered how to best ask what this movie (that he had theoretically picked) was about, besides explosions and bassy tones played over scenes of collapsing buildings.

“I am looking forward to it,” Kuroko said.

“You… big on action movies?”

“No,” Kuroko said enigmatically, as the lights dimmed and the previews began.

They sat through six previews for action movies which were all, to the best of Kagami’s knowledge, also about explosions and collapsing buildings **_in a world where_** －

Kagami wasn’t actually all that into movies, and he wouldn’t be able to talk to Kuroko during it, and he was really starting to have some doubts about this whole situation.

 _At least_ , he thought, _the dog isn’t here_.

No, he was being dumb. He probably was just hungry. He’d feel better about his decisions after he got to eat his tacos, and once he finished those maybe he could steal some of Kuroko’s popcorn, and maybe their hands would accidentally brush, and _maybe Kagami was a goddamn twelve year old girl, christ_.

The main title came up in a blaze of fiery glory, and with the sound being consistently loud, Kagami felt free to dig out a taco, and bite into it with a _crunch_. Stray bits of shredded lettuce and cheese fell to the ground around him, and Kuroko gave him a look. But when that beef-like substance hit his tongue, Kagami felt vindicated in all his decisions.

Then Nigou bounded across the screen.

“What the fuck??” Kagami hissed recoiling in his seat. Another hard shell taco _crunch_ ed within his jacket.

Kuroko smiled at him.

“Is that Nigou?” Kagami demanded.

“No,” Kuroko said, “ _That_ one is not. That is Tyler, one of the other five dogs who acted in the movie.”

Kagami felt queasy and cold. He had not signed up for a movie about dogs. Much less _the_ dog.

“What the fuck,” Kagami reiterated at a whisper, bringing one of his other, still whole, Tacos out from his jacket and into his mouth. He wasn’t going to let the dog ruin his appetite when _he wasn’t even really there_.

“Several scenes were shot nearby. Nigou is not a purebred husky, he’s a pomeranian mix － but he looks close enough to the puppies who acted in the other scenes that he was asked to fill in for some of the more complex parts.”

Kagami tried to relax, muscle by muscle, back into his seat, but he really just reorganized his tension. He frowned and ate another taco. Kuroko glanced at him again as he crunched. Someone a few rows down glanced towards them in confusion.

Apparently (as Kagami discovered via some discrete googling) the plot of _Terminal Retribution: Inferno of Action_ involved an ex-pyrotechnics expert (Jason Statham) who lived happily with his brand new puppy, right up until his dog was _shot in a drive-by by a drug cartel?_ _Following_ twenty minutes of build up about how much the man loved his dog. The remaining sixty-five minutes were then devoted to him creating increasingly creative and massive explosions as he worked his way through the ranks of the drug cartel.

They were currently watching the twenty-minute love-letter to dog ownership part of the movie, apparently.

Kagami didn’t consume a lot of media. So he understood that he was _weak_ to a touching soundtrack. But as he watched Jason Statham lovingly pick up Nigou (or a lookalike) after the dog chased some rats out of the man’s run-down apartment, he thought, _maybe a dog isn’t so bad if it’s your dog._

It was a disturbing thought. But he had unclenched, and the dog on screen wasn’t viscerally getting to him anymore. If he could get used to that, then maybe. _Maybe_ …

Maybe the thing with him and Kuroko could work.

He reached over to steal some popcorn, thinking involuntarily of his popcorn-accidental-hand-holding fantasy － and then something _did_ brush against his hand.

It was a wet, cold nose.

The music suddenly changed on screen as gunshots rang out. Kagami turned in horror to look at Kuroko, who was looking, stricken, at the carnage on-screen － and Nigou, who was climbing out Kuroko’s jacket, to sniff at the scent of taco meat on Kagami’s hand.

Nigou clambered clumsily around the bucket of popcorn, stepping with a sharp little claw right on Kuroko’s crotch. Kuroko jolted, immersion in the movie broken, and Nigou scrambled over the armrest, sniffing at Kagami’s jacket.

“Nigou!” Kuroko hissed.

As Nigou started worming his way into Kagami’s jacket, Kagami’s deer-in-the-headlights adrenal response hit its breaking point.

He opened his mouth to shout ( _not_ scream, crucial difference) as he flailed － and clocked Kuroko brutally in the head as he lunged to cover Kagami’s mouth.

Both Kagami’s half-muffled shout and the ensuing scuffle were drowned out by the roar of gunfire － and Jason Statham’s wail as the dog on screen suffered an untimely demise. Kagami flailed his way to the floor in a shower of shredded lettuce and cheddar cheese, taking Kuroko, Nigou, the popcorn, and the shattered remains of his hard shell tacos with him.

Kuroko wormed his way on top of Kagami’s torso, still reaching to muffle his shouts, and further destroying the tacos. Kagami could feel the taco meat pressing against his shirt as it oozed its way out of the various wrappers － warm and spreading like he imagined, hysterically, a gun shot wound must feel.

The sticky remains of what smelled like someone’s spilled sprite caught at his hair as he jerked his head around, trying to escape Kuroko’s hands. Which were, incidentally, _strong as hell_.

He briefly heard Nigou’s collar jingle as he bounded away from the excitement. With the increased distance, Kagami felt a little more clear headed － he became aware that Kuroko was _shushing_ him.

Chest heaving, Kagami relaxed by inches into the sticky theater floor, staring wild-eyed at Kuroko. Who was still straddling him.

“Kagami-kun, you are going to get us kicked out,” Kuroko said.

Kagami laughed wetly.

 

* * *

He excused himself to the bathroom.

He brushed the taco meat off his shirt and into the sink with his hands, peeled away grease soaked strips of paper bag － the theater had apparently gone _green_ and that meant no paper towels. He braced himself against the sink, breathing heavily, and stared into the taco remnants in the bowl of the sink like he could divine some meaning from them.

Like reading tea leaves, but grosser.

He frowned, and waved a hand under the faucet. It let out a spurt of water that failed to get any part of the mess in the sink down the drain. He held his hand under the faucet, and a steady stream of water made the taco soggier, but no less present.

He felt guilty. Some poor kid was going to have to clean it up. He stood up, thought about leaving, (back to the theater or hell maybe he would _leave_ leave), but he couldn’t get his head away from whatever poor employee would be given that job.

A young boy walked in just in time to catch him carrying soggy taco-meat and fillings to the garbage can with his hands.

 

* * *

Kagami trudged back into the theater, feeling strung out and embarrassed in a shocky, bone-deep way like he hadn’t since high school. Middle school? Elementary school? Was he even socially aware enough, in those days, to have experienced this? Probably not. This was a uniquely terrible day in his life.

He sank stiffly into his seat next to Kuroko, who had Nigou securely in his jacket again. Kuroko had cleared away the bucket of popcorn while he was gone, and some of the mess. There was still stray pieces of popcorn and shredded lettuce scattered across the row, but an attempt had clearly been made.

Kuroko looked over at him, and stared at Kagami’s profile as Kagami glared determinedly ahead.

An explosion was happening on screen.

“...Did I miss anything?” Kagami asked.

“...No,” Kuroko said, after a moment, “not really.” The silence stretched.

He added, “I don’t think this movie has an adequate understanding of the power structure of drug cartels.”

Kagami absorbed that statement slowly.

Then, he said, “I brought some cinnamon twists for you.”

“Oh,” Kuroko said.

Kagami reached into his pocket and retrieved the paper packet. He handed it over to Kuroko, and a trail of cinnamon and sugar hissed its way out of the paper.

Kuroko accepted the package, and pulled a miraculously whole cinnamon twist out. The rest were in pieces of varying sizes. It crunched as he bit into it, and continued to crunch as he chewed.

“...Thank you, Kagami-kun.” He picked at them politely through the rest of the movie.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming next Monday 3/20/17: **Chapter 4** : _Taco-Bout It_
> 
> Hang out with me on [tumblr](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com), if you want, or check out my [art](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com/tagged/goddamn-art).


	4. Taco-Bout It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some shit with CSS, so if you don't have author skins enabled, that will make things look a little nicer. I took some pains to make it format readably without CSS too, but like. Come on man, I worked hard on that. 
> 
> Also I forgot to harass my betas with this chapter before putting it up, so feel free to call me out on any spelling or grammatical errors.

It was dark when they exited the theater.

“So, you uh, proud of Nigou’s work, or whatever?” Kagami asked as they wandered out onto the pavement.

“Nigou is a very good dog. He paid rent that month,” Kuroko said. “Hourly, he makes more than I do. Too bad he can’t hold down a steady job.” He nuzzled his face in between Nigou’s ears before setting him on the ground.

“Oh,” Kagami said, lamely. He followed Kuroko and Nigou down the sidewalk in silence, for a moment. “Did you like the movie though?”

Kuroko made a soft noise, “The quality of the movie and the accuracy of its content notwithstanding, it was very relatable.”

“...Re...latable?” Kagami asked.

“Yes,” Kuroko said, looking back at Kagami, “Jason Statham played a highly relatable character. Excellent pathos. I would _also_ kill a hundred men and cause millions in property damage in order to avenge Nigou’s death.”

Kagami felt like he was being warned off pretty clearly.

His stomach growled, and he sighed heavily as he glanced down at Nigou, who was sniffing around the sparse sidewalk foliage. He felt too fatigued to keep freaking out, even.

“I’m, uh, thinking I’m gonna head out,” Kagami said, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. Kuroko and Nigou turned back a few paces ahead with twin looks of placid inquiry. “I’m pretty hungry,” Kagami explained.

“Yes,” Kuroko said patiently, “You didn’t get to finish your tacos. Unless you scraped them off your shirt and directly into your mouth while in the bathroom.”

“N-no,” Kagami said.

“That’s why we’re walking to the taco truck a block from here,” Kuroko said. He turned back around, and began walking again. Nigou followed, his collar jingling as he pivoted.

“Oh,” Kagami said, trailing lamely after them. Then, after a moment, he said, “I didn’t know there was a taco truck a block from here.”

“I checked its location while you were in the bathroom.”

“Oh,” he said again, feeling baffled and a little warm, “thanks.”

* * *

Kuroko had bought him nine pork tacos with pickled daikon and carrots on them before Kagami had even finished contemplating the menu. He steered Kagami towards an empty stoop, and they sat with the paper baskets on their knees.

Kagami frowned, not sure he liked the direction tex-mex had taken towards the eastern hemisphere － but his eyes lit up when he popped a stray piece of pork in his mouth. He immediately inhaled the tacos, double fisting for expedience, a taco in each hand.

It might have been the hunger, but it was probably the best goddamn tacos he’d ever had.

Full up, he leaned back into the stairs and enjoyed the aftertaste. He looked over at Kuroko, still working his way through his second taco, and smiled. He was feeling much more charitably towards Kuroko － and his dog. The tacos felt like a delicious, delicious apology.

Kuroko glanced over, and caught his gaze. There was an intense moment of eye contact － and Kuroko smiled in that small, sincere way of his.

...The tacos also felt like a delicious, delicious _mixed message_ , in combo with Kuroko’s earlier statement about his absolute devotion to his dog. Which Kagami could definitely understand. Kuroko was more devoted to that dog then some parents were to their kids － if someone couldn’t handle his dog, they weren’t relationship material. Heck, Kagami wasn’t sure he _could_ handle Nigou.

But, he thought, dragging his gaze away from Kuroko, the tacos made him want to try. Hey, Kagami was doing pretty good until Nigou dove inside his shirt － and he was hardly shaking at all, _now_. (Maybe because he had tired himself out too much to shake, but, _details_ , psh.) The devil himself was sniffing around on the opposite side of Kuroko from Kagami, sneaking dropped bits of pork off the ground by Kuroko’s shoes, and Kagami was _handling_ it.

Did Kuroko know that Kagami could handle it? Did Kuroko even want him to handle it? Did Kuroko _have_ any interest in another _guy_ handling it? It being a relationship. Not like.

Aw jeez.

He wasn’t think about handling Kuroko’s － well, _anything_ , okay. That was like base 40, and baseball was pretty much the worst sport anyways.

Which, to clarify － It’s not like Kagami would _never_ … _play baseball…_ or anything it was just that he thought that maybe there should be a lot more hugging (which he had found － after a pretty lonely adolescence with minimal parental interaction and few friends － to be an A+ activity) and cooking together and enjoying each others space before they brought, uh － _baseball bats_ into it.

_Anyway._

Kuroko’s hypothetical interest in men was a fairly crucial point, which, Kagami thought guiltily, he had just been skipping over, probably for some stereotypical and homophobic reasons re: masculinity and height and homosexuality, which was unfair, because really. Kuroko wasn’t even _that_ short. Or fashionable.

Kagami was getting sidetracked. _Fuck this_ _guessing bullshit_ , Kagami thought.

He could just ask.

“Hey Kuroko,” Kagami said, “are you into dudes?”

Or, that’s what he meant to say.

Possibly, had he managed it, it would have been followed by, “Want to hug sometimes and maybe cook together and talk about our feelings? You seem like you’d be good at those things.”

He instead however, had said, “ _Hey_ Kuroko,” and then choked up and made a wheezing noise when Nigou took a flying leap into his _lap_ and started barking at a squirrel.

The squirrel took off, and Nigou － not on a leash, because why would Kuroko’s dog be on a leash － took off after it, sharp claws digging in as he launched himself off Kagami’s thigh. Kuroko stood up in alarm, but, luckily, the squirrel made its way up a nearby tree, and Nigou jumped around below it, barking and wagging his tail.

Having assessed the situation, Kuroko sat back down, the tension falling off him instantly.

Kagami took a shaky breath, the confidence the tacos had gifted him with gone with the dog. Unlike the dog, it wasn’t just hanging around the tree either. It was probably down the street getting hit by a car or some shit.

“What were you saying, Kagami-kun?”

“...Oh, just. We should hangout again soon,” Kagami mumbled, looking intently after the squirrel. Instead of at Kuroko.

* * *

Kuroko took him at his word. Kagami got a text Tuesday afternoon asking if he’d like to get ice cream that evening.

Kagami’s heart leapt － even though, logically, he knew that ice cream was an outdoor activity, and so Nigou would likely be there. Before his body could sort out whether his pulse was up out of excitement or fear, he typed back an enthusiastic _Yes!_

He was off Tuesday, having worked his last shift on Sunday, so he took a long and restless nap before taking off around 5PM for the park where they planned to meet. He tried not to think too hard about it. Inside the park (full of well manicured grass and brick paved paths), he found the ice cream stand, and Kuroko waiting for him at a picnic table.

An instinctive glance down revealed Nigou laying at Kuroko’s feet. Nigou yawned, revealing small white teeth. He glanced at Kagami, and his tail wagged once against Kuroko’s leg.

Kagami swallowed.

“Kagami-kun, hello,” Kuroko greeted, smiling, “what kind of ice cream do you like?”

“Uh, I’m actually more of a sorbet guy,” Kagami said.

“Lemon?” Kuroko asked.

“Yeah, actually,” Kagami said. Then Kuroko was ordering at the window, leaving Nigou at the table. Kagami rushed over, fumbling with his wallet, but Kuroko had already slid a ten dollar bill across to the attendant.

“I can pay,” Kagami began.

“You can’t,” Kuroko said, “because I just did.” He accepted his change serenely, smiling at Kagami.

They settled back at the picnic table, Kagami with his sorbet, already wondering if he could convince Kuroko to stop somewhere for real food in about forty minutes, and Kuroko with a vanilla shake.

“I’ll have to treat later then,” Kagami said, “maybe we could get food in a bit?”

“Mm, maybe,” Kuroko said, sipping at his milkshake, gaze locked on Kagami.

Kagami bore it for a moment, looking awkwardly between his sorbet and Kuroko, before he gave up and looked down the path. “Did you uh, want to walk?” He asked.

Kuroko looked down at his feet, and nudged Nigou with his toe. Nigou stood up, dog tags jangling, and wagged his tail patiently.

“I walked Nigou before you arrived, so his energy is a little low,” Kuroko said, “so it should be a pleasant walk.”

“Oh,” Kagami said. He wasn’t sure if a dog being tired made it more likely to bite, or less likely to dive into his coat looking for tacos/squirrels. His heart thudded painfully for a beat or two, but he swallowed his anxiety, and smiled at Kuroko as he stood.

“I uh, don’t know much about dogs,” Kagami said as they wandered down the path, Nigou walking obediently by Kuroko’s heels.

“Did you not have any pets growing up, Kagami-kun?” Kuroko asked.

“No, my dad wasn’t around enough to look after one,” Kagami said.

Kuroko made a small noise of acknowledgement, and regarded Kagami as he absorbed that statement. Kagami felt abruptly as though he had revealed something too personal, though he wasn’t sure what.

“Uh, what about you?” He asked quickly, taking a bite out of his sorbet － mostly to have something to do.

“My family was not fond of animals,” Kuroko said, “I was quite lonely when I moved to america, so I was grateful to meet Nigou.”

“Oh,” Kagami said. His own apartment was pretty solitary, but he hadn’t really ever lived any other way. “You have all those friends from middle school though?”

“I was the first to move,” Kuroko said.

Kagami’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He glanced again at Kuroko, and pulled it out. A local area code, but not a number he recognized.

_Text message Conversation with_ 415-224-####:

_iMessage_  
_Today, 6:13PM_

  
**415-224-####:** where tf r u  
**Taiga:** i think u have a wrong number   
**415-224-####:** i dont did u fuckin die  
**Taiga:** who is this??  
**415-224-####:** aomine who else  
**Taiga:** how tf u get my number?  
**415-224-####:** (Pistol )(Police Officer )(Police Car )  


Kagami frowned. That seemed like an abuse of power. He texted back a quick, _out w kuroko_.

Kuroko’s phone buzzed a moment later. He raised an eyebrow, and displayed it to Kagami.

_Text message Conversation with_ アホミネ  :

  
**アホミネ:** u wanna hang out sat  
**アホミネ:** text me back ashole   
**黒子 テツヤ:** no  
**アホミネ:** why lol  


Today, 6:15PM

 **アホミネ:** u suck

“Did you and Aomine have plans today?” Kuroko asked.

“Ehh, I mean,” Kagami said, “we usually ball on Tuesdays or Thursdays. But it’s not a _thing_.”

“Oh,” Kuroko said, just a little too loudly and just a little too innocently. Kagami snorted, and Kuroko smiled at him.

“You got some issue with Aomine?” Kagami asked, “I thought you were pals.”

“I was once the subject of an actual tug-of-war between Kise and Aomine, so I occasionally enjoy reminding them that people are not _things_ to be shared only at their whim.”

Kagami laughed, “An _actual_ tug-of-war?”

“Yes. My shoulder was dislocated.”

“Holy shit,” Kagami said, shaking his head. After a moment, he added, “Aomine is a creep.”

“Oh?” Kuroko asked.

“Yeah, he used his cop powers to get my phone number. Pretty sure you’re not supposed to do that.”

“Ah,” Kuroko said, “that is unlikely. I don’t know if you are aware, but Aomine is a bike cop, not a detective. It is more likely that he had Momoi find it.”

“That’s amazing,” Kagami laughed, “Who’s Momoi?”

“She managed our middle school basketball team.”

“She moved out here too? How many of you bastards are there?”

“The entire starting lineup, minus our captain,” Kuroko said, “Though Akashi visits frequently.”

“Jeez,” Kagami said. He hadn’t even managed to stay in the same _country_ as his father (who he hadn’t spoken to in several months) or his singular best friend (who he hadn’t spoken to in over a decade). He was starting to feel like maybe he was a lonely asshole. “Why here? I mean. _Everyone_.”

“This was the gayest city I could find,” Kuroko said bluntly.

“Oh,” Kagami said, while internally congratulating his gaydar. Then, after a moment, he said, “and that convinced _everyone_?”

“Yes.”

“Everyone?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Kagami said, “I can be a little dense so I’m just going to － your _whole_ middle school basketball team was gay?”

Kuroko hesitated.

“ _Aomine_ is gay?”

“Actually, Aomine-kun declared himself the _token straight_ , though the accuracy of that is debateable,” Kuroko said, making a face. He continued, “Akashi I don’t think has any interest at all. Kise is bisexual, Muraskibara is… he has a boyfriend. Midorima is gay. Momoi is bisexual, I believe.”

“Jeez,” Kagami said, “I guess I could have guessed Kise.”

Kuroko gave him an unimpressed look.

“Sorry,” Kagami muttered reflexively, not entirely sure what he was apologizing for.

“Kagami-kun, what is your family like?” Kuroko asked.

“My dad travels a lot for work, my mom’s dead since I was little,” Kagami said absently, tossing the crumpled wrapper for his cone in a trash can as they passed. If there had been a net appropriately sized, it would have swished.

“Ah,” Kuroko said delicately, then, “What do you do for fun, Kagami-kun?”

“Basketball. Cooking.” Kagami thought a moment, and shrugged. Between the two, he was pretty well occupied.

“Cooking,” Kuroko said decisively, “What sort of recipes do you like?”

“Oh, all kinds,” Kagami said, “shit that makes a lot of food in one go. Curries and stuff.”

“My culinary talent lies in hardboiled eggs,” Kuroko said, “I am afraid I eat a lot of takeout. It is difficult to cook for just one.”

“Yeah, I’m sure scaling down hardboiled eggs is a nightmare,” Kagami said, laughing, “But uh, hey, maybe we can cook something together sometime. Cooking for two is way easier.” He said it casually, like it wasn’t his ideal situation in a long-term domestic kind of way.

“I would like that,” Kuroko said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming next Monday 3/27/17: **Chapter 5** : _[Eggplant Emoji]_
> 
> Hang out with me on [tumblr](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com), if you want, or check out my [art](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com/tagged/goddamn-art).


	5. [Eggplant Emoji]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again: I did some shit with CSS, so if you don't have author skins enabled, that will make things look a little nicer. I took some pains to make it format readably without CSS too, but like. Come on man, I worked hard on that.
> 
> Also once again, I forgot to harass my betas with this chapter before putting it up, so feel free to call me out on any spelling or grammatical errors.

On Wednesday, Kagami was on shift again. When he dragged himself in at 8 AM for lineup and equipment check, he noted the beautiful sunny weather. It occupied his thoughts through cleaning up the firehouse and working out with the team, and continued to taunt him as he drove past the community basketball courts to run an errand before lunch. At around 4 PM he briefly got to enjoy the sun while rescuing a day-drinker out of a car to perform CPR (not the best conditions for enjoying said weather), but otherwise spent the day indoors, save for the midnight call to open up an apartment where a man (also drunk, since Wednesday was operating on a theme) had fallen asleep with a pizza in the oven. The evening call didn't count though, and overall, Kagami felt he was hella owed for missing out on such a beautiful day.

So of course, on Thursday, when he planned on going to the outdoor courts to meet up with Aomine, it went ahead and rained. Only 45 rainy days out of 365, is what he was promised, but they sure fell unnaturally on days he wanted to be outside. Maybe there was a game on he could watch.

He got a string of emoji from Aomine expressing his displeasure.

Kagami had forgotten that he had Aomine’s number now (months of carefully cultivated tsundere not-quite friendship down the drain. Fucking _thanks,_ Aomine) and he could invite Aomine to play at the indoor courts at Kagami’s gym. He thought about this, and decided that Aomine knowing where he worked out was too close to Aomine knowing where he lived. The phone number thing was already a step closer than he would have preferred.

So he didn’t answer the text. But then Aomine kept texting him.

_Text message Conversation with_ Aomine:

**Aomine:** so wuts up w u n tetsu lol   
**Aomine:** cmon   
**Aomine:** i kno ur not doin shit rn spill  
**Aomine:** u after (Eggplant, Banana, Corn, Drumstick, Hot Dog, Fist, Sweat)  
**Taiga:** wtf   
**Aomine:** so yea huh lol  
**Taiga:** tetsu?  
**Aomine:** tetsu  
**Taiga:**??  
**Aomine:** kuroko tetsuya  
**Taiga:** kuroko cant cook lol he told me

Kagami wasn’t an idiot. He knew what an eggplant meant. But like hell he was going to talk about _eggplant_ with Aomine. Or bananas. Or meat. Which, _wow_ , was Aomine scraping the bottom of the phallically-shaped-emoji barrel.

Aomine sent him an emoji expressing his frustration.

Then his phone buzzed again.

_Text message Conversation with_ Kuroko:

  
**Kuroko:** Aomine just told me that I should stop seeing you.   
**Kuroko:** because you don’t know what to do with an eggplant?   
**Kuroko:** I have full faith in your cooking abilities. And no particular inclination towards eggplant.  
**Kagami:** i kno what to do w a goddamn eggplant !!  


Just because Kagami wasn’t particularly inclined towards, like, one night stands or hookups or whatever, didn’t mean he didn’t know what to do in bed. He had experience. An experience. Two even! The last thing he needed was Kuroko thinking that he didn’t know what to do with an _eggplant_ , when he hadn’t even managed to tell Kuroko he was interested in... Eggplant.

Though apparently Aomine had figured it out. Which was concerning.

More concerning was the text he received next from Kuroko:

_Maybe you should prove it._

Kagami hadn’t thought himself a particularly panic-prone individual before he met Kuroko, aside from the whole dog thing. He was definitely panicking now, though. He purposefully set his phone face-down on his coffee table and got up to pace into the kitchen and splash water on his face. He breathed heavily for a moment or two. Poured himself a glass of water. Drank half, poured the rest out, and then splashed water on his face again, in case it took better the second time.

He gave up on water as a concept and paced back to the living area. He passed behind the couch and paused. He looked warily at his phone, still laying on the coffee table. Then he paced back and forth to the kitchen a few more times before sitting heavily down on the couch and picking it up.

Looking at the conversation Kagami felt an abrupt rush of relief. Kuroko was talking about _cooking_. He was inviting himself for _dinner_. _Dinner_ he could handle.

_dinner tmrw at my place then? ill show u what i can do w an eggplant_

 

* * *

  
  


Kagami mostly cooked a lot of meat. But just putting eggplant in as a side or an ingredient － after making such a big deal about how he knew how to handle it － felt like a cop-out. So Kagami spent the rest of Thursday night watching the Food Network and flipping through Google results. Then he googled while he hung around in bed the next morning, and while moping anxiously around the house cleaning up. Afterwards, he stared at eggplants at the supermarket, and continued googling. He gave up and made a decision, briefly tearing through his internet history for the second recipe he’d found.

He ran through his memory of what he had in the fridge and grabbed the eggplant. Bok choy, noodles, green beans, fresh cilantro － he already had onion, peppers… And the recipe didn’t call for it, but he grabbed a couple chicken breasts. He had some in the freezer, but he wasn’t going to have time to defrost them now.

Back at home, he sprinkled the eggplants with salt, and left them to drain out some of their moisture while he prepped the noodles and green beans and sauces. He had to watch the green beans like a hawk － boiling water 4 minutes, then the ice water － but he went back to multitasking, cooking up the chicken, and heating a mixture of rice vinegar, soy sauce, honey, sesame oil, a fuckton of mashed up garlic bulbs － he hadn’t had the patience for mincing － and chilies in the microwave slowly. He thought about this mixture, tasted it, and added a bunch of lime juice to try and salvage the situation. He wished he’d gone with lime over vinegar to start, and grumbled about it, adding more lime and more honey to try and balance things out. He wound up with nearly double the sauce he needed, and angrily poured some of it over the chicken, leaving it to soak up the flavor.

Kagami considered himself a master of the one-pot meal, and he was going to have so many goddamn dishes to do. He just _had_ to cook something fucking _new_. Terrible idea when he wanted to impress, should have stuck to his guns.

He had timed everything well though, and the eggplant and onions were almost done sizzling in the pan when the intercom went off.

“Hey!” he said into the speaker by the door, “I’m on the second floor, door’s open, come on up,” and buzzed Kuroko in.

He returned to the kitchen, pulling everything all together in a bowl, and suddenly regretting he didn’t have anything to drink in the fridge but Gatorade. _Fucking romantic, great job Kagami._ He also didn’t have any side dishes prepped.

He sucked at this. His cooking was sufficient to impress his high school prom date, but － there was a soft knock and the door opened as Kuroko let himself in.

“Hello, Kagami-kun.”

Kuroko was wearing a well-fitted black button down and dark blue jeans. He looked really good.

Kagami was abruptly aware that he had splattered his shirt with sesame oil.

“Kuroko!” Kagami said, like it was a fucking surprise to see him, after inviting him over and then letting him in. “I’m almost done with dinner.”

He pulled two plates from the cupboard and placed them on the rarely-used table. He at least had the foresight to clear his bills and junk mail off it. He placed the bowl of eggplant/chicken noodle salad down in between them, while Kuroko hovered.

“You can sit down,” Kagami said. “Uh, can I get you a drink? I have... Water. Gatorade.”

“I have actually brought wine,” Kuroko said, producing a bottle apparently from nowhere, “I hope a red is acceptable.”

“Sure,” Kagami said with false confidence, and hid his face behind the cupboard door while he contemplated the fact that he didn’t own any wine glasses. He thought about asking if that was okay, but what the fuck was he going to do about it if it wasn’t? Fuck it. He brought two of his Ikea glasses over to the table, to find Kuroko looking at him expectantly, holding the bottle of wine. “Er,” Kagami said, “I don’t have any wine glasses.”

“That’s fine,” Kuroko said, “where do you keep your corkscrew?”

“My corkscrew,” Kagami said blankly.

He didn’t think he owned a corkscrew. He reeled through a montage of every wine-drinking experience of his life － briefly lingering over a new years party, then realizing, nope, that was at his dad’s place, with his dad’s work friends － and realized none of them had been in his own home.

Maybe he had one that came with a bottle opener or something. He opened the miscellaneous kitchenware drawer and ran a hand through the mess. Everything in the drawer clattered loudly, something stabbed him － he had a brief moment of hope, then realized it was a meat thermometer.

“Funny story,” Kagami said, “I don’t own a corkscrew.”

“Ah,” Kuroko said slowly. Then, “I’m sure we can figure this out.”

He pulled out his phone and tapped at it, and Kagami circled around behind him to look over his shoulder. The internet was going to save this goddamn date. Kuroko pulled up a list of _10 Genius Ways to get Wine-Drunk Without a Corkscrew._  

“Oh, we can use a screw and hammer,” Kuroko said, “I don’t suppose －”

“Last roommate I had moved out with my tool kit,” Kagami said. He forgave the guy, he’d been a lot handier than Kagami. He probably wouldn’t have had screws anyways.

“We can push the cork into the bottle?” Kuroko offered, looking over his shoulder at Kagami.

“Wouldn’t that ruin the wine or whatever?” Kagami asked, leaning in a little to look at Kuroko’s phone.

Kuroko was quiet for a moment. Then, he said, “Kagami-kun, it is only a ten dollar bottle of wine.”

Kagami stood upright, abruptly realizing he was _really in Kuroko’s personal bubble, wow_ , and scratched at the back of his head, “so it’s a step up from the eight dollar ones then － I mean, you brought it, which was nice, and I’d just uh － we have any other options?”

Kuroko gave him an unimpressed look, the corner of his mouth twitching for an aborted moment, “It says you can knock the cork out by cushioning the bottom of the bottle and hitting it against the wall.”

“Okay, we can do that.”

 

* * *

  
  


Kagami at least got the opportunity to change out of the shirt he cooked in, after they dumped the wine all over him. And the wall. And the floor.

Kuroko, sopping up the wine with paper towels while he changed, called to him from the other room, “Kagami-kun, I am very sorry.”

“Not your fault!” Kagami said, as he pulled on a nicer shirt than he’d been wearing before.

“No, I imagine the meal has gone cold,” Kuroko said.

“Oh, that － it’s fine that way,” Kagami said, returning to the main area just as Kuroko was opening the fridge.

“Do you have a preference between gatorade flavors?”

“Uh,” Kagami said, “I mean, I guess if we're really pairing flavors, blue is the way to go.”

Kuroko poured them both blue Gatorade into the glasses Kagami had set out, and sat, determinedly prim, at the table.

Kagami said, “Right, silverware.”

 

* * *

  
  


Against all odds, dinner was good. The food was tasty enough, and Kuroko made small, appreciative noises as he ate his noodle-salad. Which Kagami, in turn, appreciated. Blue gatorade might not have been the ideal choice of beverage, but Kuroko confessed he didn’t much care for wine anyways.

After dinner, they found some freezer-burnt ice cream bars that Kagami had bought months ago and forgotten about, and sat on the couch with them.

“Sorry this was,” Kagami shrugged, failing to find a phrase that would describe the conga-line of failure that had led them to this point, “I swear I’m a fucking good cook.”

“I believe you, Kagami-kun, it was very tasty,” Kuroko said, licking a hurried stripe up his own wrist to catch a stray dribble of ice cream.

Kagami’s own ice cream dripped onto his pants while he watched.

“I mostly cook a lot of meat, rice and stuff, but, I uh, got caught up in the whole eggplant thing.”

“Yes, the eggplant thing,” Kuroko murmured, eyeing Kagami as he licked at his ice cream. He abruptly stuck the whole thing in his mouth, and when he pulled the popsicle stick back out it was clean. “Where is your trash can?”

“Oh I can －” Kagami reached out for the popsicle stick, but Kuroko was already standing up.

“No, I’ll get it, Kagami-kun.”

“It’s the cabinet to the left of the sink,” Kagami said, a little helplessly, as he desperately tried to determine if that had been a sex thing or not.

When Kuroko sat back down on the couch, it seemed like the couch had gotten a lot smaller. Or Kuroko was sitting more towards the middle. Something. Because they were sitting with their thighs pressed against each other.

Kagami stuck his own ice cream in his mouth, so he would have an excuse to not say anything. His eyes widened as he realized that that was a terrible idea, having forgotten his sensitive teeth.

“Are you alright?” Kuroko asked.

Kagami nodded, eyes watering. Kuroko watched his face carefully.

“Kagami-kun,” he said slowly, “if you have plans for tomorrow and need to get some sleep, I can leave. I do not mean to intrude.”

“No, no!” Kagami said, hurriedly pulling the popsicle out and wiping at his mouth with his sleeve, “you know we should, uh － a movie?”

“Yes,” Kuroko said, “I would like that.”

“I’ll just － Netflix.” Kagami sprung to his feet, going to the kitchen to get rid of his popsicle stick, then pacing to the bedroom to pick up his laptop. He cracked it open before he returned to the living room, just to be sure there wasn’t any porn that had magically shown up on his desktop since the last time he used it.

He smiled nervously at Kuroko as he returned to the living room, setting the laptop down on the coffee table and retrieving an HDMI cable from behind the TV.

He glanced at the couch. The spot he’d left seemed... small. He made the executive decision to sit in it anyways. And just. Sink into that. Cuddle up if that was the option left to him. He would take that bullet like a man.

He sat down. Their legs were touching. It was warm, comfortable, and Kagami’s heart was in his throat, but in a good way.

“What uh － what do you want to watch?” Kagami asked, pulling up Netflix on the laptop.

“A horror movie,” Kuroko said instantly.

“Uh,” Kagami said, turning to look at Kuroko, whose face was, _wow, right there_. “Seriously?”

“I can’t watch them on my own,” Kuroko said, voice a perfect deadpan, “because I become deeply frightened.”

Kagami hadn’t watched a horror movie in years, but he didn’t _remember_ having a problem with them. Dubiously, he clicked around on Netflix, and looked at Kuroko for confirmation before pulling something up.

 

* * *

  
  


Horror movies had gotten scarier since high school, Kagami reflected, eyes squeezed shut and face pressed into the back of Kuroko’s neck. His hands were balled up in fists, shoved down into the cushions of the couch

“What the _shit_ ,” Kagami whispered. Something flashed on screen, and Kuroko shifted more into Kagami’s space, a hand snaking across his lap to grip his thigh. Kagami breathed heavily and shakily brought a hand up to grasp at Kuroko’s.

A part of his brain that wasn’t panicking (apparently a useful feature developed in the middle of all the _goddamn panicking_ he’d been doing lately) went, _‘nice,’_ and that was startling enough that suddenly all of Kagami was outside of the panic, looking in. _Nice_ really just about covered the situation, honestly. Dinner had gone well, despite everything, and Kuroko was practically in his lap, warm and surprisingly heavy.

Then there was a loud noise from _in the room_ － and Kagami shouted (not screamed, crucial difference) before he even figured out what it was. It was low and buzzing and － lighting up. It was Kuroko’s phone vibrating on the coffee table.

Kagami paused the movie as Kuroko leaned forward (shifting his weight somehow further into Kagami, which was also nice) and picked up his phone.

“Hello?” he answered. A woman’s voice, commanding and urgent and _familiar_ , was just barely audible － enough to get the tone, but not enough to make out words. Kuroko made a noise of assent, and the voice turned apologetic. He made another noise of assent, and said, “of course Riko-san, I will be there shortly.”

He turned to face Kagami, still pressed up against him － and Kagami jerked back, flattening himself into the back of the couch as he realized just how close Kuroko’s face was to his.

Kuroko frowned, and then said, “I’m sorry Kagami-kun, I need to go pick up Nigou.”

“Riko,” Kagami commented, connections slowly slotting into place, “Riko as in _Hyuga and Riko?_ ”

“Riko as in Hyuga and Riko _and Kiyoshi_ , yes,” Kuroko said.

“Why did － wait, _and Kiyoshi?_ ” Kagami said.

“Yes. You didn’t know?”

“Just to be clear －”

“They are in a poly relationship, yes,” Kuroko said, voice a little short. “They told me immediately when I asked about it when out with your coworkers. They are quite open about it.” Kuroko’s mouth twisted a little, and he said seriously, “Kagami-kun, you are…”

“I can be a little oblivious,” Kagami said quickly, “So, you know, I appreciate it when people are upfront with me － so, why is your dog with my boss and his wife and － their boyfriend?”

“We made friends that evening we all went out, she arrived after you had left,” Kuroko said, staring a little at Kagami. He frowned, and climbed to his feet using Kagami’s thigh as leverage. “Apparently Kiyoshi and Hyuga can’t keep water down, so she’s found an open urgent care and is driving them in, she didn’t say what was wrong exactly.”

“She probably gave them food poisoning,” Kagami grumbled, shifting a little in his seat.

Kuroko made a noise, and grabbed his jacket from where it was hanging on a chair at the kitchen table. “Your coworkers are very kind people,” he said, as he reached for the door and twisted the deadbolt, “I felt very fortunate to speak to them.”

He paused, lingering with the door open. “Kagami-kun… funny story,” he said, echoing Kagami’s phrasing from earlier in the evening. It sounded odd from his mouth. “Your coworkers told me they thought you were straight. That didn’t seem right.”

He opened the door further and said, a little louder, “In any case, good ni－”

Kagami vaulted the back of the couch from a sitting position and lunged for the door, slamming it shut as he braced a hand against it, “No, no, you’re right!” he shouted, “I’m －”

He paused, and assessed Kuroko’s startled look. He assessed the fact that he had just blocked the exit, slammed the door shut, and was now looming over Kuroko, distinctly in his personal space. Leveraging his height to －

“－ I am physically menacing you,” Kagami said, backing up ineffectually into the door, “shit, sorry, I try not to do that, I just…” He cleared his throat awkwardly. He twisted the knob and opened the door, wedging himself behind it as he opened it in between the two of them. “Uh, you have a good night, hope nobody vomited on your dog,” he said, pressing his face into the door.

“Kagami-kun,” Kuroko said gently, as his pale hand wrapped around the side of the door and pulled it away from Kagami’s unresisting grip. He closed the door with a click, and stepped into Kagami’s personal bubble, looking up into his face. Kuroko paused for a moment, eyes flickering over Kagami’s face. Kagami could only imagine what he saw － his face felt heated and too cold all at once. Bloodless and filled with adrenaline.

“Kagami-kun,” Kuroko repeated slowly, “I did not feel menaced. It was… an appealing display of machismo. Which is to say, I was,” he hummed, looking for the right word, “ _into it_.”

“O-oh,” Kagami said, and then, “I’m gay. And － you’re pretty great. Just, uh, so that’s clear.”

“Yes,” Kuroko said, smiling, “I would like to continue this discussion. But, I need to get my dog before, as you said, someone throws up on him.”

“Yeah,” Kagami said, “just －”

Then Kagami brought a hand up to Kuroko’s cheek, and Kuroko reached back like a mirror, and Kagami leaned down and － they kissed. It was a hurried peck, really. Kagami pulled back and frowned, and caught the way that Kuroko’s lower lip vanished for half a moment behind his teeth and tongue. _That wasn’t － not nearly －_

He leaned in again, more carefully, slowly, this time, slow enough that he felt Kuroko’s breath puff once, twice against his own lips in anticipation before they met. They slid together and Kagami felt his eyes fall shut all on their own － Kuroko’s must have done the same, because Kagami felt his eyelashes as they brushed against his cheek. A feeling like a sigh ran through his body and he folded around Kuroko, one hand on Kuroko’s cheek and the other reaching behind to Kuroko’s lower back, drawing them together.

Kuroko went willingly, molding into Kagami’s shape, a tension that Kagami hadn’t noticed melting out from under his hand on Kuroko’s back.

They pressed together, and Kagami savored the closeness more than anything. Kuroko brought his other hand around to clench at the material at the back of Kagami’s shirt, and Kagami pressed closer － their lips slid apart, noses resting on each other’s cheekbones, and they breathed steadily in each others space.

A moment passed like that, and then Kuroko’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He loosened his grip in Kagami’s shirt, and Kagami reluctantly pulled back in inches, dropping his own hands to his side. Kuroko’s other hand remained on Kagami’s cheek, warm and comforting, and he used it to pull Kagami back in for a brief kiss as Kuroko stood on his tiptoes. One, and then another.

Finally, he pulled back, grasped the doorknob, and opened the door back up. “Goodnight, Kagami-kun.”

“Goodnight!” Kagami said, too loudly. Kuroko waved, and pulled the door shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally, the sixth and final chapter: _Have Your Cake and Bite It Too_ coming... probably next Monday, 4/3/17. I still need to write it, whoops. 
> 
> ETA: 4/3/17 isn't happening because I forgot that taxes are a thing that happen to me too, now. I'm about a thousand words in on it though, so I'm hopeful it'll still go up sometime this week. 
> 
> Hang out with me on [tumblr](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com), if you want, or check out my [art](http://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com/tagged/goddamn-art).


	6. Have Your Cake and Bite it Too

_Text message Conversation with_ Kuroko:

**Taiga:** yo i know u said u liked it   
**Taiga:** but i rly want to cook u something like   
**Taiga:** good  
**Kuroko:** It was good.  
**Taiga:** yea sure  
**Taiga:** i can do better tho  
**Kuroko:** Okay. Do you think maybe we could plan a picnic?   
**Taiga:** yea we could do that   
**Taiga:** sounds cool   
**Taiga:** weds?   
**Taiga:** or no prob should have more daylight idk what ur sched is like   
**Kuroko:** I don’t have any plans on Saturday. Let’s do it then.   


  
  


The issue with planning their date － definitely, supremely, awesomely, a _date_ － for Saturday was that there was a whole week until then. Besides the anticipation of waiting a _whole week_ there was also the fact that it meant seeing Aomine. Kagami lucked out, and had a shift Tuesday. Briefly, he thought his luck might hold and that it might, possibly, rain again on Thursday. Unfortunately, the weather finally seemed to be back to normal. Sunshine all the time.

Kagami didn’t even _like_ Aomine, he thought fiercely, there was no reason to feel _obligated_.

He _did_ feel obligated though. He couldn’t just not show up － he actually felt bad about totally forgetting Aomine existed when he had Tuesday plans with Kuroko. Kind of. A little bad.

Aomine was, objectively, the worst. Kagami, however, was _not_ the worst, and thus did things like, _‘feel bad about ditching people_.’

Lame.

 

* * *

 

“ _Lame_ ,” Aomine told him, dropping his bag at the side of the court and jogging up to where Kagami was dribbling the ball, “what, not too busy with your new boyfriend to hang out with me? Get fucked, you piece of shit.”

Kagami sputtered and accidentally let Aomine steal the ball. “We’re not － did he use the word boyfriend?”

Aomine laughed at him and sent the ball _swish_ ing through the net. “No － you hoping he did?”

“Are you _grilling_ me for him?” Kagami demanded as he retrieved the ball.

“ _I’m_ being a good bro.”

“Well I mean － yeah, that’s why I’m dating him,” Kagami said, spinning with the ball to try and evade Aomine. It didn’t work, Aomine had the ball again.

“ _Gay,_ ” Aomine said, as the ball fell through the net.

“Yeah idiot, that’s the _point_ ,” Kagami said, already regretting ever feeling bad for Aomine.

“Well as Kuroko’s bro I gotta tell you that I own a gun －”

“－I’ve heard all about your fucking _gun_ , Aomine－”

“－and I’m a cop so they’d never convict me for shooting you.”

“That sounds like bullshit,” Kagami said, “but for your benefit I’ll say that I’d never do anything like － I don’t know, _dislocate Kuroko’s shoulder fighting over him with another dude.”_

“Yeah well － fuck you that was _one time_ ,” Aomine complained.

“Are you _actually_ worried about Kuroko, or just worried he won’t have time for your bullshit?” Kagami asked.

“ _Neither_ , that’s _super_ gay,” Aomine said promptly, scowling at him. Kagami thought that sounded like Aomine-speak for: _‘I can multi-task, so both.’_

If Aomine wasn’t going to admit it though, Kagami wasn’t going to be nice about it.

“Yeah, I don’t think Kuroko needs you looking out for him anyways,” Kagami said. He faded back, and sent the ball sailing over Aomine’s head and into the basket.

Aomine jogged after the ball. “Of course not － Kuroko’s a vicious little shit, he can look after _himself_ , if he wants to hook up with a loser nozzlejockey so bad.”

“Miserable asshole is a good look for you,” Kagami called after him. Aomine flipped him off without looking back.

 

* * *

 

Kagami actually coordinated with Kuroko, this time, and Kuroko agreed that he would bring drinks with tops that twist off, and maybe some kind of dessert, and Kagami would handle the meal and general picnic supplies. As such, Kagami was heading into this date feeling much more in control of the situation. He had somehow conned Kuroko into liking him. Really, Kagami had thus far aggressively shown off all his worst traits, and Kuroko was (amazingly) still into him.

It was maybe not the most promising of starts, but it was a solid foundation of, _‘you can’t fuck this up any worse than you already have!’_

Kagami luxuriated in his renewed confidence, and looked forward to being an unflappable motherfucker again. He was even ready to hang out with Kuroko’s dog, with minimal trembling.

...Actually, around 7PM on his Friday shift, after errands and chores around the firehouse had finished up, Kagami had started discreetly looking up therapists specializing in phobias from his phone while procrastinating on a report. He had a short list he was going to check out, and his insurance was pretty comprehensive.

It wasn’t _all_ about Kuroko. Being scared of dogs was not a great trait for a firefighter. It wasn’t like he was going to tell a little kid, _‘sorry, Spot didn’t make it out of the fire because I was too big of a pussy to go near him even while he was burning to death.’_ It was a thing he’d been working through in stages already, but maybe taking a more proactive approach would be better for his disposition.

He wasn’t going to tell Kuroko, though. That’d be pretty weird. Like, _‘we’ve only been on one date but I’m planning our lives together,’_ weird. As if he had the ties picked out for their wedding or something. Ha. Ha. (He definitely did _not._  He just had some ideas.)

What he _was_ going to do was carefully make sure that Kuroko knew he was long-term, dog-dad, husband material. By being great with Kuroko and his dog. Subtly.

So he made onigiri with spicy tuna and some pickled shit (delicious), some ginger-fried chicken in bite sized pieces, and some grilled squash. Something about Kuroko made him want to bust out the half-remembered Japanese recipes that he recalled from when he was little. Kagami wondered if, as a more recent transplant, Kuroko would appreciate that. Kagami wasn’t ever even a picky eater, but he had appreciated the people around him who had supplied him with Japanese food when he first moved over to America. Occasionally. Other times he had been impatient to assimilate as quickly as possible. It was a tough time for him.

Whatever. As far as Kuroko knew, his decision to cook a bunch of Japanese shit had nothing to do with him.

He packed the food into tupperware, the tupperware into a lunchbox, the lunchbox into a backpack, and shoved an old blanket in on top. He zipped up the main compartment of the backpack and filled the second with paper plates and plastic silverware filched from the Chinese takeaway place.

He fired off a quick, _omw!_ to Kuroko, and headed out.

 

* * *

 

  
Predictably, it was a beautiful day. He met Kuroko (and Nigou) at the entrance to the park. Kuroko carried a bag from the convenience store, the plastic clinging to the drinks inside and sweating. Nigou trotted obediently at his side, no leash in sight. Kagami’s heart only went like, 20% faster than his resting rate, seeing that. A strict improvement from the way his heart rate _used_ to shoot up about _400%_ when faced with Nigou.

Kagami grinned at Kuroko, more excited than worried. He could handle this. “Hey!” he said.

Kuroko returned his smile shyly. “Hey,” he said, then, “I think there’s a nice spot by the pond.”

“Sounds good,” Kagami said, “I got a blanket and all so we don’t need a table or anything.”

“Excellent,” Kuroko said, turning to lead the way to the spot he had in mind.

They found the spot, laid out the blanket, and distributed the tupperware containers and silverware. Kuroko revealed, smiling, that his convenience store bag contained Gatorades for both of them, and a carton of chocolate-covered ice cream bites － _Dibs_ － for dessert.

Sitting down, Kagami was pleased to discover that, trapped beneath the blanket, the grass was actually a decent cushion.

The conditions were good for a picnic. The sun was shining, the air was practically skin temperature, there was a gentle breeze － it was basically ideal. Ordinarily, Kagami would be suspicious of things going so well, but he was pretty sure he had earned this with the absolute _shit_ his previous outings with Kuroko had been.

His karma was turning around.

They made their way through the onigiri first, stuffing them into their mouths while they took a moment to relax and enjoy the scenery, before serving themselves on paper plates. Kuroko seemed happy with everything Kagami had prepared.

Nigou seemed to be onboard with the whole, _‘things stop going wrong for Kagami_ ,’ thing too. He was apparently content to laze about on the grass near Kuroko, occasionally snapping after butterflies and happily jumping for bits of chicken that Kuroko tossed his way.

“Kagami-kun, what’s your favorite food?” he asked, making small pleased noises around the squash.

“I dunno － uh, burgers maybe?” Kagami said, without much thought, as he plowed his way through the plate he had made for himself.

Kuroko hummed thoughtfully, “Really? McDonald’s burgers?”

“What? _No_ － I mean. They’re cheap but that’s not like. A real burger,” Kagami said.

“I just would think, that if a burger was your favorite food you would prefer to eat good ones.”

“Well yeah, but you can’t get twelve burgers for twelve bucks anywhere else.”

“If cost was not a concern where would you go for your burgers then?”

“Oh, uh,” Kagami briefly tried to imagine _not_ being a cheap-skate, and found it difficult. He’d been living on his own for so long, and trying to avoid going to his dad for money for _so long_ , it was hard to drop that mindset, even though he had had a decent salary for a long time. “Maybe still McDonald’s.”

Kuroko looked at him in surprise, and laughed lightly. “Why?”

“I dunno, there’s just something satisfying about knowing how cheap you’ve gotten something,” Kagami said. “It tastes better if it’s a good deal. Also, sodium. It’s _manufactured_ to be delicious.”

“But they’re not your favorite burger?” Kuroko pressed.

“Okay, they might be my favorite burger,” Kagami said.

“So your favorite food is McDonald’s hamburgers,” Kuroko said.

“That can’t be right,” Kagami muttered, staring thoughtfully into the unfathomable depths of his paper plate. “What’s your favorite then?” he asked gruffly.

“Vanilla milkshakes,” Kuroko said promptly.

“McDonald’s ones?” Kagami pressed.

“No,” Kuroko said, “ _I’m_ not pathetic.”

“ _Wow_ ,” Kagami said, laughing, “but you don’t mind the McDonald’s ones? You know they get the texture with the same chemical used to make diapers.”

“What?” Kuroko asked

“Every good Californian knows this, Kuroko,” Kagami said seriously, “If you’re planning on being a permanent resident you should really be up on this.”

“I don’t think I believe that,” Kuroko said, “that sounds wrong.”

“It is wrong － but still. Indoctrinate. Get your milkshakes organic, or not at all.”

“There is _no_ bad vanilla milkshake,” Kuroko said, laughing, “but my favorite isn’t from McDonald’s. It’s probably from the creamery near the university. I try not to, but I usually get one between my classes.”

“Your classes?” Kagami asked.

“Yes. I teach a few different classes.”

“Oh, what on?”

“Literature － I’m pursuing a doctorate, so I teach whatever classes my advisors prefer not to. Mostly introductory courses.”

“Do you like that?” Kagami asked.

“It is rewarding to interact with so many young, impressionable souls that _really_ need to be taken down a peg.”

Kagami laughed. “And it’s rewarding getting to be the one to do it?”

Kuroko smiled and nodded. “You didn’t ask Aomine about what I do for a living? I assumed you had since it hadn’t come up in small talk before.”

“Oh, nah. It never occurred to me that Aomine could pull his head out of his ass long enough to know what’s going on with someone else.”

“Accurate,” Kuroko said, smiling, and scraping the last of his plate onto his fork. Kagami wordlessly passed him the plastic bag with the convenience store logo. Kuroko removed the carton of Dibs, and placed his plate and plasticware into the bag.

“You know he was trying to give me the shovel talk?” Kagami asked, taking the bag back and placing his own trash inside it.

“ _Was_ he?” Kuroko asked. He popped open the carton of Dibs. Kagami snuck his hand in, having heard enough about Kuroko’s feelings on ice cream to be suspicious of how quickly related products might vanish.

“Yeah, told me he could shoot me and get away with it.”

“Interesting,” Kuroko said dryly, popping a Dib in his mouth, “and what did you say?”

“I just made sure I beat him at one on one,” Kagami said.

“Fair,” Kuroko said, “avoiding lowering yourself to Aomine’s level in order to fight with him is a solid plan.

“Yeah,” Kagami said, “uh, _definitely_. I have definitely never lowered myself to his level.”

Kuroko smiled, and regarded Kagami with a very slightly arched eyebrow as he crunched through the chocolate shell of another ice cream bite.

“It _definitely_ wasn’t me that covered his dumb car in ham,” Kagami said.

Kuroko coughed around a mouthful of ice cream. “That was you?” he asked, delighted. “He was mad for weeks － it was all over the hood, the spoiler, the roof － I haven’t seen so much ham in one place in my life.”

“No, it wasn’t me － but I _might_ have told some neighborhood kids that it was a cop’s car, and given them five pounds of unrelated deli meat.”

“Amazing,” Kuroko said, laughing, “it was in the sun too long and it made the paint peel. He had to take it to be repainted. And then it happened _again_.”

Kagami laughed. “Getting them to stop was way harder than getting them to start,” he confessed.

Kuroko laughed so hard he wheezed. “The only time he was driving that car was to play one on one with you, you realize. It’s easier to walk or bike everywhere else. It just sits on the street now.”

Kagami laughed too, “I didn’t! I didn’t know that. I thought he was driving that prosthetic dick of a car everywhere.”

Kuroko laughed helplessly, and Kagami grinned in triumph. Kuroko kept laughing even as the Dib he was holding dropped out of his hand and rolled chocolate and ice cream all down his shirt.

Kuroko wiped a watering eye and looked down at himself, laughter easing off into a light, barely audible wheeze. “Oh crap,” he said, “this is a good shirt.”

“It’s starting to get dark － we could pack up, get you home to wash it out.”

“Hm, I believe your place is closer. I could wash it out at yours,” Kuroko said.

“I guess if you’re really worried about it setting that fast,” Kagami began, and Kuroko gave him a look that carried the _impression_ of a heavy sigh, without actually sighing. “ _Oh,_ ” Kagami said, “you can uh, yes. Yes. Please.”

Kagami grabbed up the paper plates and plasticware while Kuroko snapped tupperware back together. They bundled everything up in record time, Kagami holding the backpack while Kuroko settled in the lunch box and stuffed the blanket inside.

They marched determinedly back to the path and towards the exit, Kagami feeling like his chest was buzzing.

  
A hundred feet from the park gates, they passed a bathroom and Kuroko said, “Actually, I think I really do need to wash this out. Now.”

“Oh,” Kagami said, heart dropping.

“...and again at your place, but in a less literal sense,” Kuroko reassured him, as he headed to the bathrooms. “Nigou, _stay_ － Kagami, do you mind looking after him?”

“I can handle it,” Kagami said, heart thudding hard in resolve. He grinned at Kuroko, and Kuroko smiled back as he rounded the privacy wall into the bathroom.

Kagami’s smile faded back to a neutral expression and he looked down at Nigou. “Don’t fuck this up for me,” Kagami told Nigou seriously. Nigou wagged his tail, and Kagami smiled again. “I think we understand each other pretty good.” He could _handle this_. “Let’s sit down, huh? Wait for Kuroko to come back.”

Kagami found a nearby bench and sat down to wait. Nigou followed at his heels, and Kagami swallowed heavily but didn’t panic. He pulled out his phone to check his messages, and continued to not panic when he heard the jingle of a dog’s tags.

He frowned as he realized it wasn’t exactly the _same_ jingle as the ones he was familiar with. He looked up, and saw an approaching man with a small-to-mid-sized dog on a leash. The dog was tan with a boxy nose. The man (also tan, in the way Californians tended to be, not like his dog at all) gave him a tight smile that was in odds to his general surfer vibe. He wrapped the lead around his hand a couple times, bringing the dog closer to him.

As the man and his dog passed, Nigou trotted out to say hello. The dogs sniffed at each other － and there was suddenly a _snarl_ and a cacophony of yelps and growling as the two went at each other.

Kagami panicked. He panicked in the wrong direction.

He lunged forward to grab Nigou, hand curling around the dog’s soft belly － and there was a searing heat in his forearm as he pulled back, the other dog briefly coming with him before it’s lead caught.

“Oh fucckkk,” the man said as he held desperately onto his dog’s lead, “oh fucking _shit_ man, your arm.”

“Uh,” Kagami said, from behind the bench. He must have vaulted it somewhere in all that adrenaline. Nigou whined and yowled in his arms.

“Why wasn’t your shitty little dog on a leash?” the man moaned.

“Uh,” Kagami said, feeling a flare of annoyance at someone talking shit about Nigou. Kuroko loved that dog, and Kuroko had good taste. Kagami looked down at Nigou, and saw red. In a very literal way. “Oh shit,” Kagami said. Nigou was bleeding. Kuroko’s beloved dog had started bleeding, _on Kagami’s watch._

Then he looked again, and realized that it wasn’t Nigou’s blood. It was Kagami’s blood, on Nigou. “Oh. _Oh_.” On the one hand, _good_ , on the other － _holy fucking shit_. Kagami’s vision swam and he woodenly crouched down in the grass, kneeling around Nigou. If he didn’t get low now, he might not have the choice about it later.

“Oh fuck,” the man said again, “Banjo has all his shots, man. Do I － fuck, do you need me to call 911?”

“Uh,” Kagami said.

“Kagami?” Kuroko called, “What － oh.”

“Kuroko,” Kagami said slowly. “Kuroko, I got bit by a dog.”

“Yes,” Kuroko said, stepping around the bench, to gently take Nigou from Kagami. He grasped Kagami’s hand to look over his forearm. “I can see that, Kagami-kun.”

“His dog was off his leash － this was super not my fault, not Banjo’s fault either － he got in between them,” the guy said anxiously.

“Yes, thank you for your input,” Kuroko said shortly, “If I can get your contact information, we can work this out later.”

“Fuck man just, Banjo didn’t － he’s got some pit in him,” the man said helplessly, “you know what people are like about that.”

“I understand,” Kuroko said, “we’ll work something out.” He and the man spoke quietly and exchanged numbers. Kuroko returned to Kagami, while the man anxiously pulled his whining dog along to the exit.

“Kuroko,” Kagami said fuzzily, feeling this was important to impart, “I got bit by a dog.”

“Yes, Kagami-kun. You did.”

“No, no － not, not _now_.”

“...Kagami-kun, no, you definitely have a dog bite －”

“Oh,” Kagami said, frowning down at his arm, “Yeah, that’s not what I’m talking about. When I was little. I got bit by a dog when I was a kid.”

“Oh,” Kuroko said, frowning, eyes wide with concern.

“And Kuroko － _Kuroko_ ,” Kagami said, “I don’t like dogs, I don’t like dogs at all. What if they bite me?”

“Yes, Kagami-kun, I know, but now is a great time to figure out _what if._ As you have been bitten by a dog.”

“Kuroko,” Kagami said, “Kuroko, but － don’t not date me because I’m scared of dogs. I’m trying so hard－”

“－I know Kagami-kun, but －”

“－I am trying so hard to be okay with Nigou. I would let Nigou bear the rings at our wedding. I want you to know that.” Kagami paused, and, from the look on Kuroko’s face, realized he had maybe said something he shouldn’t have.

“Okay,” Kuroko said finally, “Perhaps we can focus on the _‘hospital’_ situation. Or perhaps urgent care. Aside from the hysteria this doesn’t look that serious,” He added, turning Kagami’s wrist over in his hand. Nigou, held in his other arm, whined.

“ _Hysteria?_ ” Kagami asked, voice pitching up kind of － okay, kind of hysterically. Kuroko might have a point. Kagami took a long, shaky breath. Focused his vision so Kuroko stopped swimming.

Kuroko smiled at him. “Kagami-kun. I appreciate how hard you have been trying to deal with Nigou. And I am very eager to continue dating you. I am _less_ eager to discuss the details of our wedding while you bleed on my shirt.”

“Right,” Kagami said, feeling a little embarrassed about that. He knew even letting himself linger over the ties thing was a bad idea. It was in his brain now, and things in his brain did tend to find their way out of his mouth. “Right, we can uh, put that off for later.”

“Provided _‘later’_ is several months of dating from now, yes,” Kuroko said, voice somewhat bemused. And then, “please let me take you to a hospital.”

Kagami stared at Kuroko’s face. Kuroko’s hand tightened briefly around Kagami’s wrist, and he pulled Kagami to his feet. Kagami blinked and swayed, and Kuroko moved his hand up to his shoulder to steady him － and then to his face. “Okay?” Kuroko asked.

“Yeah,” Kagami said, “okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnd that's all folks. 
> 
> You might notice that I made this a series. I've got some other ideas for this continuity; I've already posted a first chapter to an anthology of Kuroko POV scenes, I'd like to cover Kuroko and Kagami's first time － and, I have very very _very_ loose ideas about a sequel wherein Akashi comes to town and it turns into a bit of a GoM family reunion. Kagami gets to meet all the miracles, including the elusive Murasakibara － and, more importantly, Murasakibara's boyfriend. (Other plot points would include Kagami going to therapy for his cynophobia and being told he has abandonment issues, minor growing pains in the kurokaga relationship, and Akashi's shovel talk being waaay scarier than Aomine's.) 
> 
> SO if any of the above interest you, I'd go ahead and subscribe to the series, because I'm not on a timeline with any of it. I'm going to enjoy not having any specific writing goals for a while and do some art again. 
> 
> On that note: hang out with me on [tumblr](https://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com), or just check out [my art](https://goddamn-shitshow.tumblr.com/tagged/goddamn-art).


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